So, I am a writer on the verge of making or breaking and the limbo is killing me. I have finally put out years of work to respective places – 2 famous film production houses reading 2 different scripts and an agent trying pitch my first book, and I have no idea how long these would take and I am afraid of how things will shape. If I fail at all of them, it won’t prevent me from writing & trying again but it’ll certainly stop me for a while and add to my self-consciousness as an untrained writer.
I am usually an upbeat person and almost always I find something great in my day to thank for before I sleep, and you won’t believe the amount of secrets & fears people share with me…even those who don’t know me too personally open up to me in an inbox message or a call and I give them what they seek – a different perspective and some hope. But yesterday was one of those rare times, when my anxiety was stronger than my ability to deal with it. And then, I encountered the most beautiful karma.
You know how you say things to encourage people at times and when you too are lost, you feel the urge to have someone say the exact things to you so you can feel better. Well, this came to me from the most unlikely person – my 4 year old son named Ahaan.
I was lying on the floor, feeling anxious. Ahaan came by and lied down next to me.
Ahaan: what happened mumma?
Me: I don’t know.
Ahaan: Try. (This is what I tell him when he is overwhelmed)
Me: Grown up stuff baby. You go to the other room, I will be there in a while.
Ahaan: No, I’ll stay with you. Ok, Imagine a story & tell me about it. (My husband & I ask him to get creative to distract his mind from destructive emotions.. Like making up a story.)
Me: Not right now Ahaan. I can’t figure things out.
Ahaan (thoughtfully): But I can figure everything out.
Getting a playful window in the blues, I asked, “how?”
Ahaan: See, I didn’t know my alphabets, but I still tried. I just wrote on dots, then I figured out. You saw how beautifully I wrote, didn’t you? I do things and I know better.
By this time I was really amazed at the parallel sense this conversation was making.
Ahaan: Sometimes we don’t know but when we keep working, we learn better. (What I tell him to keep going when he thinks he is failing.)
Involuntarily a teardrop fell from my eyes. He hugged me and said, “I love you Mumma”
Me: Thank you baby! Thank you so much!
Ahaan: (Chuckled) Why are you thanking me?
Me: Because you are so awesome.
Ahaan: Oh I know. Get up now & read me a story.
While he said everything I had taught him, the miracle was that he remembered, he stayed with me when he could have gone to his toys in the other room, that he said the most profound things in the most naive manner at the most appropriate places and he knew I needed a hug.
I read him a story book and he went to sleep. And I cried for a while thanking the universe for helping me out through him, but more than anything, I felt so blessed to have this little empath as my son.
And when I was done, I went on to do what he said, “Connect the dots”. Get going with whatever little I could figure out. 🙂